Engagement ring drama | Boston.com

A.

I am not a jewelry person. I invite those who have feelings about engagement rings to chime in, please.

My take: it makes sense that you’re upset, but I’m not sure it’ll help to have this specific issue acknowledged. She’s not going to return that ring or apologize. Also, no one is asking the two of you to stand next to each other and hold out your hands for inspection. The people in your life will see your ring. The people in hers will see that one. At family gatherings, everyone knows the timeline.

I love weddings – as a guest – but I get the sense they’re very stressful for the people involved. Some of the rituals that go along with the process can take already complicated relationships and make them kind of miserable. Know that the next few months might be a period of heightened feelings. Maybe you can wait to see how much this bothers you after the big events are over. 

Try to remember that with weddings, people imitate cool things they’ve seen. That’s why there are so many magazines and websites about them. 

The bigger issue here is that you might not enjoy this woman very much, in general. Remember, she’s not a friend, she’s family. There will be more of these moments – comparisons and duplication (especially if there are kids involved). Get used to saying, “I’m an influencer!” and letting it go – unless it seems more malicious. That’s when a discussion might be worthwhile. But it’ll be more about boundaries. She’s not going to change.

Try to see less of her, if you can. That’s probably not a real option at the moment, as both of you are having life events that involve family. But sometimes it’s best to talk to others at the party. Like your husband-to-be. He’s the best part of this.

– Meredith